a bit about me

Zoe isn't my original name. It's a name I chose. Though my given name didn't make me feel terribly dysphoric, ever since coming out, I had gone by a shortened/gender-neutral version of it (although it wasn’t really all that neutral). Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be called something different. I always wanted some kind of nickname or something (preferably non-gendered might I add). I didn’t understand that maybe it was because I wanted a feminine name. Now that I've been doing Hormone Replacement Therapy for a couple of months and am beginning to pass as a woman more often, it's become strange to give people a male name when introducing myself, using dating apps, etc. I noticed that it gave people permission to treat me like a man before even meeting me face-to-face. This disconnect was starting to become frustrating, so I gave intense consideration as to if using a new name was something I wanted or not

It took me a long time to settle on a new name, given my pretentiousness (by pretentiousness, I mean that I’m very picky, but rightfully so in this case! Changing your name is no small decision). I thought about it for at least a year. I was only going to change my name if I knew it was right for me. In order for that to happen, the name had to have meaning which I related to, as well as look and sound aesthetically pleasing. I had a chance to have a name that truly reflected who I had discovered I am. Like many things in my life, my intuition was my guide and my name found its way to me, on the evening of October 1st of 2024.

When I first stumbled across the name online, I just liked the way “Zoe” looked and sounded. It was simple, but eccentric. Not basic, not too rare but unique nonetheless. It sounded like something an artistic person would be named. It was easy on the eyes and looked good as a signature. Since childhood, I used to fill pages of my journal with signature after signature, hoping one of them would feel right to no avail. My first time signing my name in my journal, I knew it felt right (I loved the first signature I did so much, that it’s since become my logo for my personal and professional portfolio. I took a photo and photoshopped it so I could use it on other assets. If you look closely you can even see the texture of the pen/marker I used).

As great as it was that the name was checking off the boxes of aesthetics, I needed to make sure that the meaning behind the name also fit me – otherwise, I'd move on. The name Zoe is a Greek translation of the Hebrew name Eve, which also translates to “Life.” Being the eldest in my family, and now the first child that was a woman, I felt Eve fitting. Further, the name being a translation of “life” resonated deeply with me. As someone who had already been through so many lives, I feel that “Zoe” acknowledges my past, my identity, and my respect for the many viewpoints from which life can be lived. Spiritually, the only thing I believe in is life. I’ve been through so many religions, but found none that resonate with me. All that remains is my belief in the sanctity and beauty of life as a whole. Spiritually, I see no difference between me and others, besides labels we use to communicate. As a people, planet and universe, we are all living one life together. I’m familiar with life on a cosmic and personal scale. I strive to be receptive to new ideas that life brings me when I listen. Although death is real and painful, it is a prerequisite for life to begin anew (I feel this on a personal level too. Having rid myself of more than one identity – I know how incredibly difficult it is to let go of yourself, even if you know in your heart it isn’t truly you. There are still memories and feelings attached to identity. Despite this, letting go and allowing another life to begin is the only way forward). I may not believe in God as a personage, but I hold the interconnectedness of all beings, living or not, to be just as sacred. My intuition told me that a name that means “life” was right for me.

– Zoe