my first post!

Published: October 1, 2024

Zoe isn't my original name. It's a name I chose. Ever since I was a kid I wanted a different name (in a way... I've never disliked my name, just wanted something else) but I could never come up with an alternative that I liked, until last night!

I hate to admit it, but I saw it online first. I was reading a post about someone who wanted the name "Zoe" until she heard it out loud and didn't like it. I saw the name Zoe and it just resonated with me. I felt pulled towards it (+, I didn't feel guilty about stealing someone's name because she changed it). I grabbed a sketchbook and practiced some signatures, just to see how it felt. I while back I did the same thing with my old name, I drew pages of my signature because none of them felt right. That didn't happen this time. I drew a couple with the name Zoe, and felt so content and joyful about the way it felt. I've always found myself in a better place when I listen to my intuiton. This feels like one of those times.

I did some reading and learned that it's a Greek name meaning "Life," which also resonated with me. I'm at a point in my life where I'm finally allowing myself to be me. A couple of years ago, I discovered that I'm trans. Discovered isn’t a great word though, “discovered” makes it sound like I suddenly realized I was trans and everything became new. It might be like that for some people, but not me. It was a veryyy gradual process. I was in denial about being in denial, and it took me years of self-analysis, therapy, and eventually medical intervention.

Now that I’m actually in the process of transitioning, I have an opportunity to rebuild a life that actually feels right for me (this wasn’t an option before, and no one can tell me otherwise). It’s daunting, and difficult, but worth it. It’s been really beautiful through the ups and downs. So yes, I chose the name that means “Life.” I think it fits me where I’m at (+, I fuck with the way it looks and sounds).

– Zoe